About a year ago, I was approved to move out-of-state while keeping my job. That meant that I would transition from working in an office most of the week to working at home full-time. I couldn’t believe I got something so great just because I asked for it! I booked my first plane ticket to my new home on the West Coast, where I knew no one.
Being part alien, er….an anxiety ridden extreme introvert and a highly sensitive person to boot, you can probably imagine how office life can feel like a known yet inescapable level of Dante’s Inferno. The experience weighed heavily on me and slowly drained me.
I was elated with the prospect of moving to Redding, CA to attend a church known for God’s heavy presence, where I could get fixed. Identifying myself as severely broken, I was in desperate need of some new parts.
Enjoying life was synonymous with distracting myself with entertainment so that I would not have to think too deeply about how I really felt. I tried many things to breathe some life back into my existence, and nothing worked so I knew I needed a drastic change.
To make a long story short, the move to Redding didn’t work out since I had a tough time getting an apartment there. I seized the opportunity to go to a different city in CA anyway, and I’ve faced many things on my journey to see the wizard.
Wasps, spiders, gnats and even squirrels have made some bumps in the road. Apartment horrors aside, I have never regretted my timid leap of faith from MD to CA.
But, what about the fixing that I needed? Hmm…
I’ve learned a lot of valuable things about myself and God on this journey. One of those things is that I don’t have to feel sorry for being different. I also realized that the way that I see myself is the way that I will behave.
I thought of myself as broken and damaged, and my life reflected that. I’m now learning to see myself the way that God see’s me. He really does think positive things about us! Finding out more about what God is really like helps me to see myself the way that I really am.
He is kind and good, but when I imagined him, he was usually disappointed in me. I figured he felt the same way about me that I felt about myself. He shuffled around heaven sighing whenever he caught a glimpse of me and thought of all of the ways that I didn’t live up to my potential.
If you feel this way about God, I suggest listening to Graham Cooke talk about the way that God sees us. I suggest “The Overcoming Life”, “Understanding Your Spiritual Lens” and “Mind of a Saint.”
This video is for anyone that feels like they are on a long empty road headed to a “Dead End” sign. The answer isn’t always what it seems it must be. God has a plan for your life even if nothing exciting is happening right now. Have faith that God has you in his kind, capable hands.