Guard Your Peace

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I admit it! I live in my head.

It’s fairly common for hermits – I mean people with “rich inner lives.” So, when I’m reliving some annoying memory or imagining what I should have said or done in an upsetting situation over and over, I’m exchanging my peace for torment.

Who wants torment? Not me! So, I’m practicing guarding my peace.

We have control over the internal playlist in our heads. Decide where your happy place is and imagine yourself there next time you catch yourself in an internal rant.

What I Learned From Sour Relationships

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Photo by Asaf R

I’m very comfortable with being on my own so, during times in life when I had few or no friends, I didn’t feel the need to rush out of the house, grab random people by the hand, and somehow convince them to like me.

But, I also wasn’t too selective with who I spent time with either. I was pretty much willing to hang out with anyone that wasn’t too intimidating.

With no friendship goals, there were no desired traits in mind for these future friends – or so I thought.

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You Are Accepted

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Sometimes it’s hard to adjust to a new area where you stick out because of how you look or your language or culture. I admire people who live in foreign countries where they stand out but thrive anyway.

Being at home with yourself and accepting of who you are is paramount in these situations.

I’m still on the journey towards self-acceptance. Something that helps me is focusing on how God accepts me. There’s a seat at his table for me and if I’m not at the table, the seat stays empty. No one else can take my place with him.

We can belong with him in a place that doesn’t quite feel like home.

The Little Things

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Photo by Erik-Jan Leusink

Little things hitting me like small stones

These wee things don’t matter

My future is ginormous compared to these tiny, dull stones

So, put aside that

Self-hatred

Humiliation

Worthlessness

The sun is rising in the East

Those teensy stones don’t even glitter in the sun

Because they are meaningless

They can never reflect the light

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 NLT

For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland. Isaiah 43:19 NLT

Needing to Dream

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As mentioned in a previous post, one of my dreams was to live in Redding, California. I felt like it would cause a shift in my life that would bring lots of healing and growth. I’m living that dream right now, but I still feel a need to dream even more and work towards new goals.

I’ve been told that I’m creative, so I’d love to explore new areas where I can express myself which can lead to a new vision for my life.

I attended some spiritual growth classes earlier this year that talked about the importance of the “I Am” statement. We were told to review the prophetic words that we received throughout our lives and choose the ones that resonate most strongly.

We then crafted positive statements that proclaim who we are and what we will accomplish in life. Keeping your identity in mind daily will definitely help you make decisions that work towards your goals.

I came across this Melody on the Move video about dreams and goals and wanted to share it with you since I’ve been thinking about this stuff lately. Enjoy!

Valentine’s Day Short Story

Heart shaped flowers
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Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone! In honor of this love filled day, I’m trying my hand at a romance…


Tears threatened to splatter down Shane’s cheeks. He held his head back and sniffed. It’s been eight months since he’s laid eyes on Jay. The emails between them have been getting shorter and shorter lately.

Shane let out a deep breath and drummed his hands against the steering wheel. Remembering how they last parted ways always made a small block of ice form in his chest.

I’ll make it right this time.

He caught sight of Jay through his side mirror, dragging luggage behind her as she typed into her phone. As she passed by his parked Taurus, Shane listened as her heels clicked against the pavement.  His heart beat in rhythm with the constant noise. He could feel himself starting to sweat.

Am I really doing this?

It would be easy to sneak up behind her. She was barely watching where she was going.

That wouldn’t be the best way…it could make her angrier.

Shane reached into the back seat for the flowers he’d bought earlier. He then fingered the ring in his pocket. It was just there to spur him on- he had no intention of having it thrown back in his face.

He slowly emerged from the car and smoothed the wrinkles out of his shirt. It was now or never, and he wouldn’t make the same mistake again.

He started towards her, quickening his pace to cross the street before the light changed. He was nearing close enough to call out to her.

“Ja-“

Just then, his phone beeped.

That can’t be Jay. I’m the last person she would call after getting back.

The beeping crescendoed, making Shane more and more annoyed. As he reached to tug his phone out of his pocket, his keys slipped and fell to the ground. He bent to pick them up while trying to answer his phone.

“What’s up man?”

“Shane! My girl is having a dinner tomorrow night, and you will not believe who’s gonna be there!”

Shane scanned the streets for Jay’s tan luggage. Where did she get to so quickly?

“You there, man?”

“Uh, yeah. So, who’s coming?”

There was a slight pause. “…Javonda! And, Daphne says she asked about you. I think she want’s to see you, man.”

Shane’s left arm dropped to his side. His hand ached from clutching the flowers. Giving up on finding Jay on the busy street, he turned around and headed back to his car.

“Whoa. So, she’s back in town, huh?”

“I would have thought you’d be the first to know. You were so hung up on her, man. I’m surprised you’re not with her right now.”

Shane forced a chuckle and felt sheepish for the first time that day. He was definitely not telling anyone about this. He handed the flowers to a surprised elderly woman standing near the bus stop and hurried back to his car. Looks like big plans for tomorrow night.


I haven’t written fiction since I was a little kid so this was fun.  The hard part is figuring out what should happen next. Thanks for taking the time to read!

Long Road to Nowhere?

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About a year ago, I was approved to move out-of-state while keeping my job. That meant that I would transition from working in an office most of the week to working at home full-time. I couldn’t believe I got something so great just because I asked for it! I booked my first plane ticket to my new home on the West Coast, where I knew no one.

Being part alien, er….an anxiety ridden extreme introvert and a highly sensitive person to boot, you can probably imagine how office life can feel like a known yet inescapable level of Dante’s Inferno.  The experience weighed heavily on me and slowly drained me.

I was elated with the prospect of moving to Redding, CA to attend a church known for God’s heavy presence, where I could get fixed. Identifying myself as severely broken, I was in desperate need of some new parts.

Enjoying life was synonymous with distracting myself with entertainment so that I would not have to think too deeply about how I really felt. I tried many things to breathe some life back into my existence, and nothing worked so I knew I needed a drastic change.

To make a long story short, the move to Redding didn’t work out since I had a tough time getting an apartment there. I seized the opportunity to go to a different city in CA anyway, and I’ve faced many things on my journey to see the wizard.

Wasps, spiders, gnats and even squirrels have made some bumps in the road. Apartment horrors aside, I have never regretted my timid leap of faith from MD to CA.

But, what about the fixing that I needed? Hmm…

I’ve learned a lot of valuable things about myself and God on this journey. One of those things is that I don’t have to feel sorry for being different. I also realized that the way that I see myself is the way that I will behave.

I thought of myself as broken and damaged, and my life reflected that. I’m now learning to see myself the way that God see’s me. He really does think positive things about us! Finding out more about what God is really like helps me to see myself the way that I really am.

He is kind and good, but when I imagined him, he was usually disappointed in me. I figured he felt the same way about me that I felt about myself. He shuffled around heaven sighing whenever he caught a glimpse of me and thought of all of the ways that I didn’t live up to my potential.

If you feel this way about God, I suggest listening to Graham Cooke talk about the way that God sees us. I suggest “The Overcoming Life”, “Understanding Your Spiritual Lens” and “Mind of a Saint.”

This video is for anyone that feels like they are on a long empty road headed to a “Dead End” sign. The answer isn’t always what it seems it must be. God has a plan for your life even if nothing exciting is happening right now. Have faith that God has you in his kind, capable hands.